First world problems
Friday, May 11th, 2012First world problems: you mightn’t think you have them, but chances are you’re demonstrating symptoms every day without even being fully conscious of it.
In case clarification is required, a ‘first world problem’ (FWP) is a complaint or frustration afflicting (relatively) wealthy, industrialised countries like Ireland that people in poverty-stricken, third world nations would give anything to have to endure.
They can also be known as “middle class problems” or, my particular favourite, “white whines”.
With that in mind, here are 50 common FWPs that you’re likely to hear, encounter, or even catch yourself saying:
1) There’s no WiFi on this train!
2) The battery life on my MacBook/iPad/iPhone/Kindle is crap.
3) Grr, Autocorrect keeps misspelling my text messages/emails.
4) I hate being at home when my cleaner is there.
5) The Facebook App on my smartphone won’t let me ‘check in’ at this restaurant.
6) I can’t find a compact wallet that’s big enough to hold my credit cards and money.
7) I’m in agony after my last personal training session at the gym.
8 ) I don’t have enough ‘bombs’ on DrawSomething.
9) I have to have two separate parties for my 30th.
10) These TripAdvisor reviews make it impossible to choose a hotel.
11) This crisp bag is only half-full.
12) I loved New York, but it’s impossible to find decent bread there.
13) I can’t believe this coffee shop only has white sugar and not Demerara brown sugar.
14) These [insert expensive designer label here] shoes are really uncomfortable on my feet.
15) It took three days to get my broadband connection fixed! I thought I’d die.
16) It’s appalling that nobody has replaced the water cooler yet.
17) There’s too much drink left over from my house party.
18) Going out four nights in a row is really tough.
19) I hate that I can’t re-seal my carton of coconut water.
20) My 42-inch TV screen is too big for the living room
21) Sorry, I don’t have anything smaller than a e50 note.
22) I can’t get this annoying song out of my head.
23) Oh god, I can’t believe this 3D blockbuster isn’t also available in 2D.
24) Ugh, I hate when they stamp your hand on the way into the VIP area.
25) Ow! That club-entry wristband is stuck in my arm hair.
26) You don’t have quilted toilet paper?
27) It’s ridiculous that I have to use three different remotes for my TV/DVD/BluRay.
28) I have too many dates this week.
29) I don’t have the right change to pay my part of the dinner bill.
30) I can’t believe my bank’s ATM machines have a daily e400 withdrawal limit.
31) Oh man, there’s no Wikipedia entry for that.
32) That movie trailer had too many spoilers.
33) You’re too noisy during sex.
34) This jet-lag is really killing me
35) Aw man, this programme isn’t in HD.
36) This butter is too hard to spread on my toast
37) You just can’t get a good cup of coffee around here.
38) How am I supposed to say all of this in just 140 characters?
39) This is full-fat Coke; I wanted Diet.
40) I accidentally closed all my tabs while booking multiple flights.
41) I’m annoyed that (s)he didn’t attribute that Tweet to me.
42) Ugh, I have to change my bed sheets.
43) There’s not enough room on this table for all these tapas.
44) I’m so tired because I was up until 2am watching TV box-sets.
45) I lost all my contacts when I upgraded iTunes.
46) These self-checkout tills are so annoying.
47) My moisturisor doesn’t have SPF.
48) People who stop at the top/bottom of escalators are just the worst.
49) I can hear that person’s music even though they have their earbuds in.
50) None of my beauty products are 100ml or smaller.





