Declan Cashin

Writing: the art of applying the ass to the seat

Dear God almighty.

This weird, creepy sculpture by British artist Daniel Edwards depicts Britney Spears giving birth on a bear-skin rug. It’s entitled “Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston.” Apparently, it’s dedicated to the anti-abortion movement.

Just when you thought that the abortion debate couldn’t get any stranger.

The pop star who’s not a girl but, curiously not yet a woman either, has a song called ‘Someday I Will Understand’.

Someday perhaps. Right now, I’m just baffled and disturbed.

From the Telegraph. So this is the threat to world peace that Bush and Blair were so worried about?

Saddam planned to deploy ‘camels of mass destruction’

By James Langton(Filed: 26/03/2006)

Saddam Hussein planned to use “camels of mass destruction” as weapons to defend Iraq, loading them with bombs and directing them towards invading forces.

The animals were part of a plan to arm and equip foreign insurgents drawn up by the dictator shortly before the American-led invasion three years ago, reveals a 37-page report, captured after the fall of Baghdad and just released by the Pentagon. It is part of a cache of thousands of documents that the United States Department of Defence says it does not have the resources to translate.

Earlier this month, the Pentagon released copies in the original Arabic onto the internet in the hope that others would interpret them into English.

Handwritten on official paper, one of the reports appears to be a road map for the insurgency, with detailed instructions for training what it calls suicide bombers.

In the memo, they are described as “estishehadeyeen”, Arabic for suicide martyrs, and would almost certainly have been foreign volunteers.

The memo details a training commission to be headed by senior officers, including a colonel from the “Directory of Political Orientation”. Their job, says the report, was to “prepare a very intensive training course”, “to raise the physical fitness and train in the use of Kalashnikovs and hand grenades”.

It continues: “The largest section of the course will be specialised to focus on using the explosive material in the body, in motorcycle, in cars, and in camels”. Camels will be “provided by the Directory of General Military Intelligence”.

The memo also reveals the incredible bureaucracy that underpinned Saddam’s Iraq. Rifles and hand grenades were to be provided by a Department of Armament and Equipping, explosives by the Directory of Military Engineering and “religious sermons that emphasise jihad” by the Directory of Political Orientation and the Religious Scholars.

The papers have been translated by Arabic-speaking members of Free Republic, a conservative internet discussion forum that believes the documents will justify British and American claims that Saddam had made Iraq a haven for terrorists.

If the translation is correct, it suggests that many of the foreign fighters now attacking coalition forces and bombing Iraqi civilians were directly trained by the Saddam regime, although there are no known reports of camels being used in suicide attacks.

Latest movie reviews available by clicking on links below.

V for Vendetta

Hostel

The Hills Have Eyes

The Big White

Inside Man

Things that are difficult to say when you’re drunk

a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you’re drunk

a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate

Things that are DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE to say when you’re drunk

a) Thanks, but I don’t want to sleep with you.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but you’re not really my type.
d) No kebab for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn’t it lovely out tonight?
f) I’m not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn’t – no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I won’t make any attempt to dance, I have zero co-ordination.
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.
j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.
k) There is simply no way i would be able to jump that fence.
l) Do you really want to do this tonight…..

From today’s Irish Times…

Prepare for the power of the blog
21/03/2006
Are Irish politicians ready for bloggers? They look set to become a force in the next election, writes Liam Reid, political reporter

It sounds unkind, but it is probably fair to say that the average TD or senator is not the most technically literate of people. Spending any time in Leinster House, a journalist learns that most TDs prefer the fax or the telephone to e-mail; better still a chat over a cuppa or a pint. Irish politics is still very much a world where presence at a funeral rather than on the web is seen as important.

Mention the word “blog” and some TDs are likely to ask if it is the new brand name for Bord na Móna briquettes. The main political parties might have impressive websites and use e-mail as a primary means of communication, but that is about as far as it goes. While they put huge resources into monitoring newspapers and radio phone-in shows around the country, the same cannot be said of the internet.

Politicians, party officials and indeed commentators and journalists are mostly oblivious to the growing army of Irish political bloggers, who are determined to emerge as a force in next year’s general election.

Short for web logs, blogs are normally personal websites, often in a diary format, updated regularly with whatever takes the blogger’s fancy. They exist in the “blogosphere” – the wider online community of web-logs and bulletin boards, where users post comments, photos and video, and share information generally.

In Ireland, this community is keen to replicate the situation that emerged in the US during the 2004 presidential election where the blogosphere became a significant player. Bloggers and an online campaign are credited with transforming Howard Dean from an outsider to a front-runner in the Democratic nomination race. In September of that year, bloggers on a conservative site, “Free Republic”, collated evidence which suggested a report by CBS 60 minutes, which had questioned the military record of President George W Bush, was based on forged documents. Not only did they kill the story, they turned the debate on its head and onto the conduct of the media. The bloggers were taken seriously by politicians, and enjoyed accreditation and access usually reserved for media.

In Ireland the blogosphere remains on the fringes of political life. Dr John Breslin, the computer scientist who created Boards.ie, the largest Irish internet bulletin board, is convinced that blogging and the internet will become a factor in Irish politics in the future. “They’re psyching themselves up for next year, that’s when they hope they are going to get noticed.” He cites the explosion of blogging among the Irish internet community, often known as the “bogosphere”. When he began monitoring the number of Irish blogs last year, there were about 100. Now there are more than 1,000, he believes, with more than 140 of them devoted to politics and current affairs.

There are only two TDs who have blogs, Liz McManus of Labour and Ciaran Cuffe of the Green party.

On Boards.ie, politics is always in the top five categories for messages and posts, after computer technology and soccer. But they have still to make any significant mark on the mainstream.
Dr Niall O’Dochartaigh, a political scientist at NUI Galway, says there are a number of key elements that need to exist for the blogosphere to become a factor in political life, the first being internet access. Despite the country’s high-tech reputation, broadband penetration is still lower than in many other Western countries. He also believes there needs to be a major event that will motivate people to seek information on the internet, and again this event could be the next general election. The third element is for the blogs to be providing good quality information, analysis or debate that is otherwise unavailable.

However, even with these conditions, he believes Irish bloggers may never enjoy the influence of those in the US, because of the size of Ireland. “It is still very much about face-to-face contact,” he explains. “A candidate for the Dáil can reasonably expect to personally canvass a good proportion of the electorate. That’s an absolute impossibility in the US so voters can be much more reliant on the internet for information.”

Dr O’Dochartaigh believes, however, that blogging will become increasingly important in Irish politics. He cites the Dublin riots last month as one of the first events in Ireland where these elements came together. It saw bloggers and internet users post large amounts of information, including photos and videos, onto websites in the aftermath of the incidents, a lot of which was not available through mainstream media.

In Northern Ireland, one blog has emerged as an essential reference tool for politicians, journalists and academics, and that is Slugger O’Toole. Established in 2002 by Mick Fealty, an England-based researcher and journalist, it quickly became a hub for the debate on the future of unionism. Fealty credits this partly to the fact that in 2003 he and his associates printed a pamphlet on unionism, which was distributed to every politician in Northern Ireland. Quality is a key element, he believes, pointing out that the pamphlet was the product of more than six months’ research and interviews.

This is one of the biggest challenges Irish political blogs have to surmount if they are to become influential, Fealty says. “They need to be good at what they do if they are to have an impact. People are not going to come back to a blog if what you’re posting is unreadable.”
© The Irish Times

For those of you who don’t know, the biggest funfair in Dublin is currently located on Merrion Square – and I’m not talking about the Dáil.

A rather large amusement park has been set up outside the Taoiseach’s department as part of the St Patrick’s Week (Month?) festival. I live around the corner from it and I can attest to the large numbers that the fair has been attracting.

I think that it would be a good idea to keep the funfair there permanently. The Taoiseach should seriously consider it as he could co-opt all the regalia of the fair for party political purposes.

Think of what all the promotional blurbs could be for the rides and attractions:

“Come and be taken for a ride on the Bertie Taoishocker Rollercoaster!”

“Go and get fleeced by renowned Candy Floss Man Cowen”

“Take a spooky and disturbing journey on the extra-scary Tribunal Ghost Train”

“Visit the PD Hall of Mirrors and behold their many deformed faces!”

“Take a spin on the All-Party Coalition Merry Go-Round!”

“And don’t forget: come and play a game of pin the tail on the Cullen donkey!”

Congratulations to Drs Katherine Zappone and Anna Louise Gilligan for so eloquently making their case on the ‘Late Late Show’ last night. They are taking a High Court action to have their marriage recognised by the Irish state.

They are magnificent figureheads for an important campaign that could have huge repercussions for co-habiting couples in Ireland. Their bravery, determination and honesty is inspiring and I wish them all the best with their case.

There will be a fundraising table quiz in the Front Lounge on Wednesday 15 March. €40 for a table of four.